I realized that I have been avoiding writing the next part of my story. It’s a very painful part of my life and it hurts me to think about. I’m going to try and write it out now.
I suffered from sever post-partum depression following the birth of my daughter. I was unable to care for my daughter. I couldn’t even be I her presence without having a massive anxiety attack. I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep. All I did was cry. All I wanted to do was leave. Get as far away from this house, my husband and my kids as I possibly could. I had no idea where I would go but I was deep in despair and desperate for relief. I can honestly say the thought of walking out the front door and never coming back appealed to me. I was literally crawling out of my skin with sadness and anxiety. I considered living under a freeway overpass down the street from my home. I drove by it and imagined what I would do to ‘fix it up’ I even considered suicide an option. Although I was very ill, I was very fortunate to have the insight to recognize what was going on with me. I KNEW I was sick. I contacted a dear friend who literally saved my life and my daughters life. She made my dr’s appt to be evaluated for PPD and drove me there. She spent the next 6 months taking care of me and my daughter. She is married and has a family of her own but her husband and mother’s shouldered the responsibilities so she could drive 45 minutes to my house ever single day and spend her day caring for my daughter and me. It took about 2 months for the dr to get the proper medication and doses right to deal with the anxiety and another 4 months for the depression to begin to lift.
My original plan had been to return to work following 8 weeks of maternity leave. My goal was to save money and move out by S’s first birthday. Needless to say that was out of the question. I was placed on Extended Disability due to PPD. It took 9 months for me to begin functioning normally and be released from disability. By then I had lost my job security. Under CA Law my employer is not obligated to hold my job longer than the 8 weeks originally allotted to me for maternity leave. When I notified my employer of my release and intention to return to work they laid me off. That was in April 2010. I have been searching for a job ever since. I was able to get 2 temporary assignments last year. They each lasted approx. 3 months. The last one ended on Nov. 30, 2011
During my periods of unemployment I have actively searched for a job and collected unemployment insurance. Currently I am taking a computer class to become certified in 2 very well known and useful applications. I’m about half way through the course. I’m hoping once I’m certified I’ll be able to finally find a full time permanent position.
That pretty much brings us up to date on my story. Although I didn’t like having to think about it and write it out it wasn’t as painful as I had feared. Funny how that’s usually the case.
