The view from up here.

It’s not much to look at (especially since it's a muggy day) but it’s a desk by the window at my NEW JOB!!!! That’s right. I got a job. It’s a temp job through an agency but hopefully 3 times is a charm and this will end up being permanent. Either way I am just so very, very excited to be working again. I feel very lucky to have been offered this opportunity. Remember how my last post was about getting rid of negative energy to make room for blessings to enter my life? Well I truly believe that this job is my blessing. Last week I was sitting home in the middle of the afternoon practicing my meditation. My baby girl was taking a nap so the house was quiet. I had forgotten to silence my c-phone and it rang just as I was getting into my meditation. I silenced the phone and continued with my meditation. After my meditation I woke S up and began to get her ready to pick up the boy from school. I happened to look at my phone and noticed there were 2 calls within 1 hour from that same number I ignored earlier. I checked my VM and it was a temp. agency asking if I was available. I was so I called them back and we chatted about the position. I agreed to fax them my updated resume so the agency could forward it to the client. Once that was done I headed out to pick up the boy. It was really hot here, almost 100 degrees, so I decided to take the kids for ice cream sundae’s. While we were eating our sundae’s I got an email from the agency and it said, “They loved your resume and want you to start Friday” I couldn’t believe it. I went from no job to having a job within 1 hours time! It’s now my 3^rd day on the job. I’m all set up with all the necessary computer access and I’m working my fingers to the bone. It feels good.

I’ve met quite a few people and two in particular have been especially friendly. They always invite me to join them on their breaks and for lunch. Today we walked down to the Grand Central Market for lunch. On the way back I hopped on Angel’s Flight. Both were new experiences for me.

I’d also like to mention that I’m still on my quest for sobriety. I wish I could say that I’m 100 sober but that would be a lie. What I can say is that I haven’t had a drink in almost a week and overall I’m drinking much less than usual. Since I’ve begun meditating I have to say that the ‘obsessive compulsion’ to drink that would plague me on previous attempts to be sober has diminished. Thank God. I’ve also been listening to this guided meditation on addiction. I’ve scheduled a one-on-one Reiki Healing session so I’ll be sure to post about that experience. I’ve asked the healer to include addiction when working on my healing. I’m very optimistic about the results.

Panther

I've been feeling so much better. My therapy sessions have helped me manage my emotions and put situations in perspective when I'm feeling overwhelmed. However I was still feeling tightly wound up. I've continued to grind my teeth at night, clench my teeth during the day, get daily headaches and constant body aches. My therapist suggested I look into yoga, massage therapy or meditation. I feel so low on energy I didn't think I could muster the effort to try yoga. I don't want anyone to touch me so massage was out. That left meditation. I was skeptical to say they least but I figured it was worth a shot. At least I can say that I tried, right?

I did some research and found a local Sanctuary/Studio. They offer a wide range of holistic therapies including guided meditation and yoga. I looked over their website and and noticed they also offered seminars on various topics. The following seminar caught my eye:

Energy Management 101: Purification & Protection 

Protection comes naturally through the process of purification and ascension.  It is by working with the highest vibrations that we are able to repel the lower vibrational energies from our bodies and our lives.  An in-depth discussion of energy will teach participants about the world of energy and will help us to identify what it is within ourselves that may attract negativity towards us.  Awareness and taking responsibility for one's own energy are the first steps which allow us to walk between the Spiritual and Physical worlds without fear.

Participants will learn how to manage their own energy through the process of purification and clearing away of negative energy which creates space to allow blessings to enter into our life.  There will be an in depth discussion of energy and how to channel it for the purposes of protection, blessing and purifying objects, our bodies and personal space. Energy enhancing exercises will be practiced to strengthen and purify the aura as well as techniques on circle casting, shielding and more.  Participants will also learn how to create holy water and make purifying salt scrubs. 

Ok. I'll admit it. The part about identifying what it is within ourselves that attracts negative energy is what initially intrigued me. Clearing negative energy, creating apace to allow blessings to enter, purify my aura? Ok, I wouldn't mind trying that. I wasn't convinced it would work but it was worth a shot. As for the circle casting, shielding and lets not forget creating holy water and making a purifying scrub. Well I thought it was all rubbish. I figured it would be entertaining at most.

I don't think I have ever been more wrong. Seriously. The entire experience was better than I could have imagined. The guided meditation was unbelievable. I had a hard time following where we were being guided. There was talk of a forest but all I saw was a meadow with a creek running along it that backed into the side of a cave. I tried to follow the guide but eventually gave up. I just let myself go where it wanted. We were instructed to find our "guide" It could be anything animal, angel, etc. My mind started to resist but I tried to ignore my skepticism and focus on the meditation. It was challenging but I managed to do an ok job. The meditation wasn't very long, maybe 10 minutes. After we were done we were invited to share our experience. My initial impression was that I hadn't gotten anything out of it and most likely hadn't done it right so I decided to share my experience.

• I shared not being able to stay in the forest. I kept ending up by the creek. 
• The animal that came to me was a black panther.
• We were instructed to ask our guide, in my case the panther, what it's name was and how I could call upon it. My panther didn't answer me. I don't think it can talk.
• When the panther came up to me it simply stood next to me. Instinctively I put my hand on its head but that was it. The panther didn't guide me anywhere or share some impressive insight. It just stood there and basically paid no attention to me. 

I was blown away by the feedback that I got. Here is what having a black panther as a guide represents:

The panther is a very powerful and ancient totem. It is generally associated with a particular species of leopard or jaguar although the cougar is also referred to as panther. As with most of the large cats, the panther is a symbol of ferocity and valor. It embodies aggressiveness and power.The panther has over 500 voluntary muscles that they are capable of using at will. This reflects a great deal about an individual who has such animals as a totem. It reflects an ability to do a variety of tasks as he or she wills. It is simply a matter of deciding and putting to use those particular “muscles,” be they physical, mental, psychic, or spiritual. 

As a whole panthers are loners (solitary) although they do associate with others, they are most comfortable by themselves or within their own marked territory. They are drawn to those individuals who are likewise often solitary.Panther is secretive, silent, and graceful in her every move. She is solitary by choice, she tells little though listens much. She is careful not to share too much information, only enough to ease curious minds. Panther is often a symbol of darkness, death, and rebirth from out of it. There still exists in humanity a primitive fear of the dark and of death. The Black Panther helps you to understand the dark and death and the inherent powers of them; and thus by acknowledging them, eliminate your fears and learn to use the powers. This is the totem of greater assertion of feminine in all her aspects: child, virgin, seductress, mother, warrioress, seeress, and the old wise woman.

When the Black Panther enters your life as a totem, it awakens the inner passions. This is capable of manifesting in unbridled expressions of baser powers and instincts. It is also capable reflecting an awakening of the kundalini, signaling a time of not just coming into one’s own power. More so, the keynote of the Black Panther is Reclaiming One’s True Power. The panther always brings guardian energy to those to whom it comes. The panther often signals a time of rebirth after a period of suffering and death on some level. This implies that an old issue may finally begin to be resolved, or even that old longstanding wounds will finally begin to heal, and with the healing will come a reclaiming of power that was lost at the time of wounding.

Nietzsche once said, “that which does not kill us makes us stronger.” It is this same idea that is awakened in the lives of those who open to the power of the panther totem. The panther marks a new turn in the heroic path of those to whom it comes. It truly reflects more than just coming into one’s own power. Rather it reflects a reclaiming of that which was lost and an intimate connection with the great archetypal force behind it. It gives an ability to go beyond what has been imagined, with opportunity to do so with discipline and control. It is the spirit of imminent rebirth.”

Now the regular followers of my blog will understand just how significant it is that a panther came to guide me. Also, remember that creek I kept seeing? Well panthers are usually found near water and caves. The reason it didn't tell me it's name is because when I asked it the answer it gave me was not of it's name. It said, "You don't have to call me because I am always with you. I never leave you. I walk side by side with you." I can imagine how corny this might seem but it is the truth. This is what the panther told me. I cried when he said that. It touched a place so deep inside of me. I could feel in his words that he was telling me the truth. His words made perfect sense. Somehow on another level of my awareness I knew that he HAS always been with me. I cried. The experience was so very powerful.

 I don't want to make this too long but I still have so much to share about my experience. I don't think I can cover it all in one blog post. I'll stop now, hopefully I've given you something to chew on.