Last night as I was about to drift off to sleep this overwhelming feeling of loneliness and despair washed over me and I started crying. I felt so SAD. Actually I am very sad. Typing this out is making me cry. I thought I had come to terms with my marriage and accepted it for what it is but I haven’t. The lack of companionship, intimacy, having a partner to share my life with and sleeping alone every single night is obviously something that still hurts me very deeply. The funny thing is, I would have expected to feel like having a drink but I didn’t. At this moment I still don’t feel like having a drink. The thought didn’t even occur to me last night. I was able to stay in the moment and feel the sadness. After I stopped crying I said the Serenity Prayer a few times and asked God to hold me in the palm of HIS hand and guide me in the right direction.
I woke up still feeling the sadness and despair but not quite as overpowering. I felt comforted that I didn’t hurt as much as last night. It helps remind me that “this too shall pass”
Coincidentally I’ve planned all week to check out an Acceptance Candlelight Meeting tonight. So that’s the plan, don’t drink and go to the acceptance meeting tonight. I can’t think of a better way to spend my evening.
